logo

How to Change

Everyone is dissatisfied about something in his or her life. Everyone wants to change something. Some want to change major aspects of their lives. Everyone wants to change some of the details. Most struggle their whole lives going as though they were riding on a circular track, going over the same ground again and again.......in reality, not really getting anywhere.

Many give up trying, often resigning their future happiness (the big change that they expect in the future) to winning the lottery or perhaps some fantasy about meeting the right mate, getting the right job or whatever it is that they think is really just beyond their control, doggedly determined that their future is out of their hands and assigned to some great cosmic roulette wheel. Through all of this, many are almost consumed by a burning desired to change - to be something else, to do something else, to have something else.

Unfortunately, the desire or passion to change is not enough. One must stop, step back, and look at the overall process, look at what has really been happening in their life, where they really want to go, and how they will get there.
The obstacle to this process, which on the surface seems deceptively simple, is that most people want too much, too soon. Most are dissatisfied with some aspect in their lives and want to make significant changes. They think then that everything will suddenly be okay - just like buying a new car - if these changes are suddenly made. Like buying this new car, they just have to go in, sign some papers, and - voila! - happiness has arrived. Everything is finished.

Sometimes we transfer the simple mechanical processes with which we do everyday tasks to our more complex inner mechanisms and wonder why we don't get the same results. Why can't we just decide (like buying a new car) to change something, go ahead and do it? Then, when that is accomplished, get on with the next task. As we all know, our mental processes don't work that way.

Our mental processes, although they may superficially appear to be otherwise, are actually quiet stable - even with those people who seem very unstable! Mental habits are deeply entrenched - both good and bad habits. The things we like about our character as well as the things we would really want to change are embedded in our consciousness. Overall, this is probably very good for us. Were it to be any other way, we would be like mental yo-yo's continually changing for every passing whim and fancy.

To change one must decide what overall change one wants to accomplish, break that change down into "bite-size" achievable chunks, develop a plan to facilitate those chunks into ones life and implement that plan. The secret of success in this operation is to change very little at a time, hold on to the small change until it becomes a firmly established habit and then work on the next small thing.

Next page...